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FACING THE AFTERMATH
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When a loved one is murdered, family, friends, coworkers, and even
the community may feel the impact. Often, survivors need both time and
space to grieve. Sometimes the grief may be surprising in its intensity.
Even though the depths of emotional loss may feel overwhelming at times,
it is important to recognize that grief is not abnormal, but a healthy
reaction to a loss. Grief is the process of letting go. The process is
different for everyone, but gradually, the grief felt in the first weeks
and months will begin to slowly lessen.
Homicide survivors may also experience a number of other emotions
during the time following the crime. These include, but are not limited
to: shock, denial, helplessness, guilt, fear, betrayal, rage, isolation,
numbness, frustration, and even murderous impulses. Several individuals
have advanced theories on the "stages" of the grieving process
that may be of interest for further reading, but most importantly,
survivors should know and remember that they may experience a number of
feelings as they work through their grief. Some emotions may be intense,
some feelings may last quite a while, and some feelings may resurface
months and even years after the homicide. It is important to know that
grieving is an individual process and takes time. However, individuals
facing such a major change in their lives (losing a loved one) should
not be afraid to seek support from family, friends, or even counselors
if they feel their grief is overwhelming or lasting too long.
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In this difficult time, it is also important to recognize that other
areas of their lives may be impacted as well. Any kind of change often
generates stress. Survivors should be aware that relationships may
become more strained as individuals try to work through the tragedy in
their own ways. This may be especially true if the homicide victim was a
child. Work performance may also suffer as concentration and motivation
are affected. If a survivor was involved with religion, he or she may
find his or her faith shaken. For some, however, relationships, work, or
spirituality become a haven, an escape that helps them cope with their
grief.
Finally, children should never be overlooked in the grieving process.
Like adults, they too may experience a number of feelings and emotions
when someone close to them is murdered. If the homicide victim was a
parent, they may angry, or be afraid other members of the family may
leave, too, or fear for their own safety. Or, not understanding what has
happened, they may simply withdraw. Loss of a sibling may also be
especially difficult for a child. They may experience guilt, or may seek
to try to replace the murdered brother or sister. Adults should remember
not to become so occupied with their own grief that they fail to see
that children may also be suffering. Many organizations offer
age-appropriate information or materials that may help parents and
caretakers talk to their children about death.
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*This section is based, in part, on information provided in the
Office for Victims of Crime’s, National Victim Assistance Academy
1998 Training Manual and What to Do When the Police Leave: A
Guide to the First Days of Traumatic Loss, developed for use by the
Henrico County Victim-Witness Assistance Program by Bill Jenkins with
Shelly Shuman-Johnson and Nikki Lewis.
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