Managing Conflict

Children, like adults, face many conflicts in their lives.  At school they may be the object of teasing, best friends may not want to be friends any more or there may be a conflict over who gets the ball on the playground.  At home, children may encounter conflicts about possessions, responsibilities or privacy.  As children mature they are faced with moral issues that challenge family rules, such as peer pressure to smoke or try alcohol or drugs.

Children learn to manage conflict by watching what goes on around them.  They learn from parents, teachers and other adults, from other children and from television, movies and other media.  Some helpful tips for teaching conflict management.
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1. Give each child some special time every day.  Experts tell us that positive adult attention can dramatically reduce aggressive behavior.

2. Teach children to ask for attention in positive ways, be telling you their needs rather than by  acting out their feeling through attention-getting behavior such as fights or tantrums.

3. Teach children to recognize their own feelings and the feelings of others.

4. Be a role model for positive ways to respond to conflict.  Let children see that you use calm words to solve conflicts rather than yelling or name-calling.

5. Listen first, then help your child choose a solution.  Acknowledge your child's feelings about a conflict... "I know you want to try the new computer game".....and then work out a solution..."We must fold the laundry now, but you can choose a time to play the game this afternoon."

6. Use positive methods of discipline.  If a child sees that you keep your cool when conflict arises, he or she will learn that using force is not the best or only choice for resolving conflict.

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